touched by an angel
as i was talking to my friend, she was having some troubles with life, so i said, all you can do is hope and i know its easy for me to say it, but i guess hope is the one thing that keeps you going. and even for me, losing my grandpa was the hardest moment in my life. Yea..it is hard..and yea..i was destroyed, yet what does a person has to do after that?..cry till it bleeds so that you remember the pain of losing a person?... rott till u die?..or what?..
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as for my story, the issue of hope being the subject matter comes after my cousin (Kak Ayie) passed away in dec 06. Just imagine, 3 deaths in a year. my uncle in apr, my atok in june, my cousin in dec. I must admit to you that ive asked God "who's next?" coz i know i cant be mad at God. How would you react to this if it was to happen to you? (choy choy touch wood) At this point can hope help?..by HOPING, what do you get?..you cant make them alive again?... being the youngest grandchild he had, there was alot of moments that we shared together,since i was barely walking right up to the time i laid him into his grave. we had this 'buddies' relationship goin on, and there was alot of moments, like, right before he was sick, we always share afternoon naps together, had this long talks, about life, and everthing you could imagine of coz theres nothing to do when ur in kampung. I'll sleep next to him whenever he's at my hse in KL. And since i was little, i was much closer to my mom's side of the family, and i remember during raya, he would always buy me a box full of fireworks and bunga api. therefore you can even see that i was 'manja' with the guy. a few days before he was in critical stage, i still remember the nasi briani that i fed him..it was one of his last meals. He's a very kind man, always provides the best for his family, loyal, and respectable man. Alot of people knows him because he was one of the right hand man to the Almarhum Sultan Idris Shah. It is touching when i recall, he would not do unless only if i was there to teman him. It'll be my duty to shave him if i was there...haih..its very hard to write. His favourite was KFC and always quietly having a glass of coke and when i finds out abt it, the coke will be finished by me.lol. He always had the 'walking stick' which he claims that it could split the seas, and turned into a snake..(yah, thats how i got to know the history of the prophets)...As a reasonable man, i know that death will meet everyone, and ive imagined how would i react if my atok passed away.Cleary, i threw the thought away, and cherish every moment that we had when he was still alive he was admitted to ICU, and on the day he died, alot of things happend.
My mom had left earlier because the hospital called, and hadzman sent me and my sister to IJN. when i went for my maghrib prayers, i wispered to him, saying whatever it is, dont go when im not there. when i entered the prayer room, there was this strange feeling that i felt. I followed the prayer of another man in that room whom started earlier. I took that he was a patient because he was wearing a patient's band. Somehow, this guy's voice is so peaceful that it made me really focused to the verses. After reciting the doa, we salam, and he was dark toned, had a very nice smile,everything about this guy is making me peaceful, subtle, and as we salam, he was like talking to me, saying that he knows who i am, and say somthing like "im sorry but we have to take ur grandpa away" ...and in my mind, i was saying "ok, but please dont hurt him"....that whole thing was in my thoughts...(i dunno whether i was dilusional or not) and he left the prayer room, i looked outside the window, and saw a full moon lighting up above KLCC. i ran out to see the man again, but he was gone. Eventho it was abit freaky, but i guess i was still relaxed. As i reached back to my grandpa's room, he worsened and was unconscious. He passed away around 9.30 sumthing, and alhamdulillah, everyone close to him was there.
as i rushed back home to get stuff to head back Kuala Kangsar, there was a massive jam and iliyas called me to ask whether im goin to class the next day or sumthing, and once i reached home, it was messy because we were in the midst of moving, and i got another call from my auntie telling me the van jenazah will be waiting at IJN coz im the one who will follow my grandpa on his last journey home. along the way, tasha called to check up on how i was doing. She was trying to keep my mind of the sadness..till my batt was finished!lol..but i still remember the sky that nite, there was alot of stars that nite. The cold wind rushing into my eyes, the shakey hands ive been having, the hunger..and among all others. The van driver was a young cool guy as we talked, the journey back was a different feeling, the streets was well lit, as the next day, was the Sultan's bday or sumthing. It was like a final salute to the body,sorta, or how i felt la kot. (Thanks bob for sending me to IJN tht nite,and thanks tash for everything)
everything was sorted out when we reached, the furniture had been moved and all and everything was in order, i mean, the routine had been done 1 month before, when uncle azhar passed away, so everyone knows what to do. with the help of Uncle Pian, everything went smoothly, as we finished recited surah Yassiin, everyone moved to the dining area, to get somthing to eat. remember that we all havent had dinner and its 3.30am already. And i sat next to my grandpa's body and my grandma came, and tidy up my grandpa, like she usually does, and i can see that shes shattered but shes trying to be strong, as time flies, the azan of the subuh prayer could be heard, and uncle pian asked me to follow him to the mosque to invite the ppl to have a tahlil after subuh prayer. After finished tahlil, around 7.30, my mom asked me to get some sleep. I had a very weird dream but i couldnt remember what it was, and my sister woke me up at 9.30am. went down, recite surah Yassiin again, and the usual, mandi and kapan, and Sultan Azlan Shah came to pay his last respect among others who my grandpa has touched them in anyway. There was this one indian man, spoke to me that he was my granpa's office boy he was working at the Istana, and now, he's also holding a post or sumthing in the istana. That is why in life,i believe if we touched someone, it will be a part of someones memory, hence could ones life.
i was with him thru out the whole time, as i promised him to give him a good funeral. and alhamdulillah, i did. i lay him down in his grave, and was the last one to leave. I couldnt leave.Just couldnt do that to him, and Kak Ayie came next to me, hugged me, at first i didnt know who it was, but we broke into tears. Together. For our dear grandfather. 4th June 06 This happend on todays date, last year. Yup. 1 yr flies so fast. and kak ayie passed away in dec 06. To think about it, she did mention to me that she dreamt of my grandpa calling her. Probably it was a sign. Probably. God knows.i miss you guys..jpg)
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as for my story, the issue of hope being the subject matter comes after my cousin (Kak Ayie) passed away in dec 06. Just imagine, 3 deaths in a year. my uncle in apr, my atok in june, my cousin in dec. I must admit to you that ive asked God "who's next?" coz i know i cant be mad at God. How would you react to this if it was to happen to you? (choy choy touch wood) At this point can hope help?..by HOPING, what do you get?..you cant make them alive again?... being the youngest grandchild he had, there was alot of moments that we shared together,since i was barely walking right up to the time i laid him into his grave. we had this 'buddies' relationship goin on, and there was alot of moments, like, right before he was sick, we always share afternoon naps together, had this long talks, about life, and everthing you could imagine of coz theres nothing to do when ur in kampung. I'll sleep next to him whenever he's at my hse in KL. And since i was little, i was much closer to my mom's side of the family, and i remember during raya, he would always buy me a box full of fireworks and bunga api. therefore you can even see that i was 'manja' with the guy. a few days before he was in critical stage, i still remember the nasi briani that i fed him..it was one of his last meals. He's a very kind man, always provides the best for his family, loyal, and respectable man. Alot of people knows him because he was one of the right hand man to the Almarhum Sultan Idris Shah. It is touching when i recall, he would not do unless only if i was there to teman him. It'll be my duty to shave him if i was there...haih..its very hard to write. His favourite was KFC and always quietly having a glass of coke and when i finds out abt it, the coke will be finished by me.lol. He always had the 'walking stick' which he claims that it could split the seas, and turned into a snake..(yah, thats how i got to know the history of the prophets)...As a reasonable man, i know that death will meet everyone, and ive imagined how would i react if my atok passed away.Cleary, i threw the thought away, and cherish every moment that we had when he was still alive he was admitted to ICU, and on the day he died, alot of things happend.
My mom had left earlier because the hospital called, and hadzman sent me and my sister to IJN. when i went for my maghrib prayers, i wispered to him, saying whatever it is, dont go when im not there. when i entered the prayer room, there was this strange feeling that i felt. I followed the prayer of another man in that room whom started earlier. I took that he was a patient because he was wearing a patient's band. Somehow, this guy's voice is so peaceful that it made me really focused to the verses. After reciting the doa, we salam, and he was dark toned, had a very nice smile,everything about this guy is making me peaceful, subtle, and as we salam, he was like talking to me, saying that he knows who i am, and say somthing like "im sorry but we have to take ur grandpa away" ...and in my mind, i was saying "ok, but please dont hurt him"....that whole thing was in my thoughts...(i dunno whether i was dilusional or not) and he left the prayer room, i looked outside the window, and saw a full moon lighting up above KLCC. i ran out to see the man again, but he was gone. Eventho it was abit freaky, but i guess i was still relaxed. As i reached back to my grandpa's room, he worsened and was unconscious. He passed away around 9.30 sumthing, and alhamdulillah, everyone close to him was there.
as i rushed back home to get stuff to head back Kuala Kangsar, there was a massive jam and iliyas called me to ask whether im goin to class the next day or sumthing, and once i reached home, it was messy because we were in the midst of moving, and i got another call from my auntie telling me the van jenazah will be waiting at IJN coz im the one who will follow my grandpa on his last journey home. along the way, tasha called to check up on how i was doing. She was trying to keep my mind of the sadness..till my batt was finished!lol..but i still remember the sky that nite, there was alot of stars that nite. The cold wind rushing into my eyes, the shakey hands ive been having, the hunger..and among all others. The van driver was a young cool guy as we talked, the journey back was a different feeling, the streets was well lit, as the next day, was the Sultan's bday or sumthing. It was like a final salute to the body,sorta, or how i felt la kot. (Thanks bob for sending me to IJN tht nite,and thanks tash for everything)
everything was sorted out when we reached, the furniture had been moved and all and everything was in order, i mean, the routine had been done 1 month before, when uncle azhar passed away, so everyone knows what to do. with the help of Uncle Pian, everything went smoothly, as we finished recited surah Yassiin, everyone moved to the dining area, to get somthing to eat. remember that we all havent had dinner and its 3.30am already. And i sat next to my grandpa's body and my grandma came, and tidy up my grandpa, like she usually does, and i can see that shes shattered but shes trying to be strong, as time flies, the azan of the subuh prayer could be heard, and uncle pian asked me to follow him to the mosque to invite the ppl to have a tahlil after subuh prayer. After finished tahlil, around 7.30, my mom asked me to get some sleep. I had a very weird dream but i couldnt remember what it was, and my sister woke me up at 9.30am. went down, recite surah Yassiin again, and the usual, mandi and kapan, and Sultan Azlan Shah came to pay his last respect among others who my grandpa has touched them in anyway. There was this one indian man, spoke to me that he was my granpa's office boy he was working at the Istana, and now, he's also holding a post or sumthing in the istana. That is why in life,i believe if we touched someone, it will be a part of someones memory, hence could ones life.
i was with him thru out the whole time, as i promised him to give him a good funeral. and alhamdulillah, i did. i lay him down in his grave, and was the last one to leave. I couldnt leave.Just couldnt do that to him, and Kak Ayie came next to me, hugged me, at first i didnt know who it was, but we broke into tears. Together. For our dear grandfather. 4th June 06 This happend on todays date, last year. Yup. 1 yr flies so fast. and kak ayie passed away in dec 06. To think about it, she did mention to me that she dreamt of my grandpa calling her. Probably it was a sign. Probably. God knows.i miss you guys.
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posted by ajin at 8:26 AM
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